I posted a political piece on 12/30/2008: "Scream: Prop 8" My Artist's Comment to the piece was:
"My own commentary on the destruction of civil rights in California.

If one minority can have their rights voted away, which minority is next? Is it yours?"

I got a comment from a member the same day. It took watching the movie Milk last night with my lover to inspire me to finally answer him. Later on I will share both his comment and my answer.

I say that he may NOT know he's homophobic: I don't know him. I can say I suspect he's somewhat misogynist from some of his Favorites - he does not produce anything himself. He may actually think that he is friendly or neutral towards gays; or even give you the old "some of my best friends are..." line.But his writing shows the classic signs of a man who fears men-who-love-men.

We know what is often the source of that fear. A man's fear of his own feelings of attraction, which are actually quite normal in heterosexual men. But we American males are taught to hate our feelings of affection for other males; either friendship,semi-sexual (attraction that is not acted on or even full acknowledged), or overtly sexual, even if not acted on.

I have the credentials to make THIS comment - a Masters in Social Work.

I am angry today because I watched "Milk" - a brilliant movie and a number of brilliant performances - and I personally have never liked Sean Penn - this performance alone has redeemed him in my eyes.

Since I am 58 years old, I lived through those days as an openly gay adult; Anita Bryant's "Holy Lies" deceptions, when she lied about FBI statistics on gays being child molesters, and then used the letters the FBI sent her to tell her to stop doing it as "proof" that she was right; of fag bashing and murders such as the one shown in the movie; ignored by the police; of a Judge in Texas who exonerated a group of thugs who beat one single man they THOUGHT MIGHT BE gay to death for staring at them in a redneck bar (the 'gay" man never spoke to them at all, let alone propositioned them) as justified for "defending their American Manhood"; of Harvey Milk & the Mayor's vicious murder, and the travesty of the jury who bought the "Twinky Defense"; of the repeated failures here in New York City to pass a gay rights law, and witnessing a group of cops, the numbers of their badges covered over, almost bash in the heads of three members of the New York City Council who had deliberately taken the end of a peaceful protest march until I shouted at the cops the identity of the three, and suggested that if they wanted to keep their jobs, they ask them for their ID's (they did so - and then obeyed the Councilwoman's order to remove the covers from their badges - so they at least got disciplined.)

Unfortunately fatal fag bashing is still with us, but is now mostly considered a hate crime. I live in Brooklyn, NY, where a STRAIGHT Latino immigrant was beaten to death by 4 "brave studs" because he was walking down the street holding his BROTHER'S hand - a common thing in THEIR more rational country. AS these heroic defenders of "family values" smashed in this man's skull with bats, they screamed anti-Hispanic as well as anti-Gay slurs. But I bet a lot of fundamentalists were proud when they heard the news.

And I am angry because I am watching a new generation of religious bigots using the same tired old lies again to deprive a minority of civil rights. And of other minorities falling for it, ignoring the fact that these same people have THEM on their list, too. In this case, "the enemy of your enemy is NOT your friend", when that enemy will turn on you after they have taken over the political power to use THEIR religious agenda to remove YOUR rights.



and now, to our Comments: I was going to take his DeviantArt ID off, until I realized that all you had to do was go look at my artwork, and find him there. One note of explanation about HIS comment: I edited a sentence out of my original Artist's Comment where I said that the work didn't look completed to me - it still doesn't, but I wanted the Artist's Comment spare, the way it now is.

~46x2 Dec 30, 2008,
It doesn't look finished? Ummm I believe you have all the rights as everyone else. Like being able to vote on something important to you. Now it's YOUR duty to respect others voices. You have ALL the rights as a married couple, fiscally & morally, except your not "Man & Wife" Same reason I never joined Girl Scouts or practice Judaism. I'm not a girl or a Jew, wrong equipment. Get over it and stop being a hypocrite, you want to rob others of their rights?

MY REPLY: - Mar 13, 2009

I had a lot of trouble understanding your comment, which is why it took me so long to answer. The piece isn't about gay marriage, but about the ability of a group of bigots to convince otherwise normal people to take away the civil rights of a group of the fellow citizens. Ever hear of a group of people called the Nazis in a country called Germany? Or the Inquisition? I even state in my introduction to the piece: "If one minority can have their rights voted away, which minority is next? Is it yours?"

And I fail to see how giving equal rights to 10% of the population takes away anything from the other 90%. What would gay marriage rob you of? Please - I really would like to know. Did giving equal rights to African Americans deprive the rest of us of any of OUR rights - except for the "right" to treat them like sub-humans?

Is that what you would be robbed of - the right to treat me like I'm shit under your shoe?

Do you fail to understand that the very same people who want to deprive me of MY full and EQUAL rights as a citizen (and the Constitution doesn't make sexuality a test of citizenship; or gender) would also like to take away YOUR right to enjoy the Favorites I found when I came to your DA page of naked slave girls? Or your right to be an agnostic? (I am making the assumption based on some of the Favorites in your gallery, since you create nothing yourself, not even text pieces.) Or even of your right to have oral sex with your wife (if you want to)? (They consider that "sodomy", also. They even consider any position but "the one" to be "against G*d's will.")

You have fallen for the arguments of the bigots. It is not true that lesbians and gays already "have ALL the rights as a married couple, fiscally & morally", and that we are seeking "special rights".

When any laws are passed based on "the will of G*d", or "the Bible says", we are living not in a Democracy, but a theocracy. (rule by a religion) And their agenda is clear: no abortion; no sex education; limited availability to birth control.
YOUR rights are at stake, too, buddy.

And as for my having the same rights as you:
I have lived with my lover as a spousal couple for 28 years. His sister has not talked to him for 15 years. If something happened to him, SHE would have the right to make decision, not me, and their political and religious attitudes are very different; her decision would NOT be the ones he would want made. But we cannot get married, so I have no rights there.

And I might have to fight her in court to keep MY own possessions - he moved into MY apartment, and most of the stuff in it is mine, but after 32 years, I no longer have receipts.

"Marriage is the bridge to over 700 rights" according to this website: [link]

Let me give you an example of how "equal" our rights are. Even in cities and states where we have the rights to "Civil Unions" or "Domestic Partnerships", the IRS does not recognize us as married. If one partner puts his/her spouse under her/his medical coverage, they tax the person who is working for the company for the value of that coverage, even when the right to coverage for domestic partners is part of the person's Union Contract. Usually that is the better paid or only employed member of the couple; otherwise his/her partner would not need the medical insurance - s/he would have their own.

And unlike a married couple where there is a big difference in incomes, THIS couple cannot file a join return to equal out the lower income of the other partner. This issue effects ME directly; I am on Social Security Disability - and no, wise guy, I am HIV negative, having been monogamous for almost the entire time of the AIDS epidemic.

That's right - the bigot's lied to you again - we are not all promiscuous whores passing the Virus around like a party favor. Are you surprised? It's called "the Holy Lie" - invented by Anita Bryant, who would lie about FBI pederasty statistics, and then when the FBI wrote her and asked her to stop, she pulled a Joe McCarthy and waved the letter in the air so that the media could pick up the FBI seal on it, and claimed it was a letter CONFIRMING her lies. Many gay men are faithful in long relationships; many are careful about their partners and more careful then a lot of straight men about safer sex. And outside of the US, Canada & the UK, AIDS is a STRAIGHT disease. It is decimating entire villages in parts of Africa.

I have a couple of totally unrelated disabilities which the government agrees prevents me from working. SSD comes with Medicare which has limited coverage of medication and NO dental coverage - therefore I have not seen a dentist for a long time. My most serious disability could be improved or even eliminated if I had major surgery; but they won't do it until my dental problems are resolved. My lover has the right to put me on his medical insurance due to his Union Contract. But when we got together. 28 years ago, I was making a lot of money, and he was making a small amount, because he IS 7 years younger than me. (but he was 23 when we met & I was 29 - so there goes the bigots' "all gays are pederasts" line out the window) So we made an arrangement: I paid ALL of our bills, and he saved everything he made for our retirement. So he is now in a pretty high tax bracket due to 27 years of investments; the added taxes for my medical care would be prohibitively high. But if I were his WIFE, there would be no tax on that coverage. We are being discriminated against due to our genders.

The bigots say that gay marriage would "tear down the institution of marriage": you straight people, with a divorce rate over 50% for the last 50 years seem to be doing a good job of that without us. (Anita Bryant, that great "religious champion of the institution of marriage", divorced her husband and remarried by the way - Google her - she also stiffed some employees) You would think that they would WELCOME a group of people, many of whom, like US have been together over 25 years, into that "Institution". Then they could point to us and say to the rest of you who are not working hard enough at keeping your marriages alive: "Hey, the fags and dykes can do it, why can't you?"

We might actually be the best chance that straight marriage has to survive in the 21st Century!

So please write back and let me know exactly what my getting married to the man I have spent almost half my life with would rob you of. I REALLY would like to understand.

Ike, the curious



PS: And one more thing; as an active Conservative Jew, I am proud that my denomination voted to formally allow the ordination of gay rabbis and cantors; and to allow religious ceremonies recognizing same sex unions. The first one I attended was of my lesbian rabbi and her long time companion.

Of course, for Jews, marriage is not a Sacrament. (We don't have those.) To us, it is a contractual agreement between two adults in front of witnesses. The ceremony is just the icing on the cake to make sure the couple and the community recognize the importance of the occasion. There are four essential parts to a Jewish wedding, and clergy is not necessary for any of them, except by State law. And they can take place anywhere.
1: the signing of the standard Marriage Contract - called a Ketubah* by the bride, groom and two witnesses. The text [link] is over 1000 years old
2: The giving of a gift over a certain value from the groom to the bride - usually the ring.
3: a very short Hebrew "formula" statement - One sentence actually "I take you as my spouse according to the Laws of Moses and the Children of Israel."
4: Consummation. The bride and groom are left alone in a room for a period before the feast begins; they don't actually "do the deed" then (usually - I HAVE heard of it happening); it's just symbolic. Traditionally they have fasted all day, and they eat their first meal as spouses during that time. (If you've ever been to ANY wedding feast, the bride and groom rarely get to sit down long enough to actually eat the entire meal - and I don't care what religion or ethnic group it is.)

*The signed Ketubahs are given to the bride to keep, and are often very beautifully illuminated with hand calligraphy, and hung in the home.
examples: [link]
[link]


“But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.”
William Butler Yeats